I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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