Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
