Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
