yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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