Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
