I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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