The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
