if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
