Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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