So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
