You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
