his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
