According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
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If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
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Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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