If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Congratulations! We have a period
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
