we should wear snuggies to the strip club
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
