Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
