rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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