he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
