please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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