No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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