I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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