so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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