I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
