Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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