p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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