Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Randomize
