Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
