That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
