just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Randomize
