Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
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