So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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