I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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