I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
