why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
