Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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