It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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