I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
