I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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