Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
