Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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