Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
