I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
