Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
