By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
