This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
