it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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