I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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