Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
