I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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