Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
