sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
