woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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