Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Those nachos came to me in a dream
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
