i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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