Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
high people should be assigned attendants
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he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
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Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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