There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
