I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
