we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
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