We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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