Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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