Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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