I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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