I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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