so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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