All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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