I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
