I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
