Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
