My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
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The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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