they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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