your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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