Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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