my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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