I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
