i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
