I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
