Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
