omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
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