You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
